Never Letting Go
by Impulsive-Rose
Summary: J&S are Married. Expecting a baby. Life is finally settling into place. That is until a tragic event takes place that sends their lives spinning. More then one life hangs in the balance. Who may die in an act of love? Takes place after the books.
1. Stale Blood

**Hey Guys, I'm BACK yay **

**I know this is an UBER short chapter but its only the beginning and its kind of like my Hearts are One story only BETTER **

**SO READ AND REVIEW :)**

**disclaimer: I don't own the mediator SADLY I'm not Meg, I only own the story plot **

**Chapter One: Stale Blood**

I have always hated hospitals and this hospital was no exception. The stale smell of blood hanged in the air as the fluorescent lights flickered constantly . The vivid paintings on the white wash walls failed to make the bleak room the least bit blithe. The hammering of my heart in my chest was in unison with my pounding head. Time seemed to pass tormentingly slow as I endured what seemed like the most tedious, emotionally drained walk of my life.

"23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17," I muttered under my breath as I walked "16, 15...." I came to an immediate halt at 15. The black numbers were clearly visible on the door. My heart gave tremendous lurch and after taking a deep breath, I turned the door knob with shaking fingers. The door creaked open. I hesitated for a moment before entering the room.

The only furniture in the rectangle room was an occupied bed with a flimsy plastic chair to its left. The open window to the right of the bed gave you a breathtaking view of the car park. Yeah. The car park. Everyone just loves looking at parked cars. Yeah right. This irrelevant fact only held my attention for a split second as I turned my attention to the bed. Not that I had a specific fascination with beds or anything. No. It was _who_ occupied the bed that made my heart clench as my insides received a tremendous blow. Not physical pain but emotional pain. I gasped. It couldn't be him but there was no mistaking the scar above his dark brow. The natural olive twinge to his skin that I loved was pale white.

As I stepped closer I noticed dark bruises under the thick lashes of his closed eyes. He lay there so still, so lifeless, if it wasn't for the small rise and fall of his chest I could have sworn he was dead. I couldn't look at the drip in his hand.

My breathing became hitched and ragged as I took in the scene before me. I slumped down into the chair beside the bed and took his hand in mine -the one without the drip- and lightly caressed it to my face. My vision became obscured as tears fell freely. The truth hit me hard. If Jesse wasn't dead yet it was only a matter of time.

**OK so thats all for now DONT WORRY my next chapters are going to be LONGER PROMISE SO REVIEW IF YOU WANNA READ MORE AND IF YA HATE IT TELL ME so i can delete it and we can go on with our lifes okaly dokaly :P damn its good to be Back !**

**LOVE ALWAYS Nicole xxxx**


	2. Dreams, Flash Backs and Reality

**Hey I promised a longer chapter and lucky for you I am a girl of my word ! :) sit back read enjoy review ! **

**YOU better review :P**

**Chapter Two: Dreams, Flash Backs and Reality**

_The gatekeeper looked the same as I had seen him last, so long ago when I was young and innocent- well not so innocent- that night I had so desperately fought to bring Jesse back, from the deserted hallway, the same hallway I was stuck in now. The dark, bleak sky above was alight by the few stars that burned coldly. The gatekeeper, in his gladiator outfit -leather miniskirt, the broom sticking out of his helmet and of course the big sword- did something that completely shocked me. He smiled at me. Let me tell you he had a great set of purly whites, the kind that the totally buff guys on toothpaste adds came equipped with. Out of shock, I guess, I returned his cheery greeting by flashing him my own teeth. "His waiting for you" he tonelessly stated in a clear ringing voice and reached out and opened a door for me. He? Who was he talking about? _

"_I don't understand, what do you mean by-" But he put up his hand to silence me._

" _Go" He commanded and chivalrously held the door open. Hey what who am I to disobey orders, I did what the man said. I stepped heavily through the door, I was up to my ankles in wispy fog. I had only taken my first step and I was met by a blinding flash and "Beep, Beep, Beep"._

I opened my eyes. My vision was blurred, blinking I sat up. It was just a dream, the hallway, the gatekeeper, all of it just a dream. Yet the beeping didn't stop "Beep, Beep, Beep". I blinked again this time the room came into focus. I turned my head in the direction of the noise. My eyes landed on the source of the beeping, a monitor I hadn't noticed before flashed and beeped away. It was attached to something, a thin cord curled it's way across the floor and up onto the bed into the vein of a strong capable hand. The hand that was attached to Jesse's moribund body. I couldn't remember why I was hear, what happened to Jesse? Blind panic filled me. My attention averted by a car horn blasting outside.

That's when it hit me, the memories of yesterday flooded back.

_**Flash back**_

_"Take it easy today Susannah, You heard what the doctor said you need plenty of rest, you and the bebé (A/N: bebé Spanish for baby of course :)" Jesse reached out and cupped my face in his hands and caressed my mouth with his. When we broke apart he lightly grazed my swollen belly, kissed me one last time on my brow and left for work. I closed the door lightly behind me and slumped onto the couch. It didn't take me long to become engrossed in some trashy melodramatic soap._

_It was a cold day and I had turned the heater up, and pulled a large fluffy blanket over my bump and began to drift into a relaxed snooze. I was having a wonderful dream, Jesse and I were crooning over a basanette, the innocent laughter of an infant chimed around us and- _

_"Ring, Ring". _

_I opened my eyes and groaned, why is it every time I'm having a good dream it gets interrupted. I pushed the blanket of me and rolled off the couch. The phone was on the table and I reached for it before who ever had rudely interrupted me could hang up._

_" Hello" I almost growled._

_" Hello, is this by any chance a Mrs de Silva?" a confident authorized voice asked._

_" Yep, that's me, who wants to know?" so I was being a little rude, but who ever it was had awoken me from a very good dream. _

_"My name is Sarah Mitchelltion, I'm calling from Carmel hospital, your husband a Mr Jesse de Silva was admitted this morning, a drunk driver lost control of the wheel and crashed into Jesse's car. Jesse appears to have sustained serious injuries, he has a dislocated shoulder, whiplash and he is currently unconscious. He has lost a lot of blood We would like you to come to the hospital right away if possible"._

_My blood ran cold, I could hear the women speak but her words weren't registering, Jesse couldn't be hurt, that's silly, he was fine this morning, he couldn't have been harmed in a car crash and yet the women on the phone sounded sincere. White lipped and struggling for air I asked " Is he going to be alright?"._

_Sarah Mitch-whats-her-face hesitated before answering "He has as I said lost a lot of blood, and hasn't been responding, at the moment were doing some tests but I'm afraid Jesse might slip into a coma". The phone crashed to the ground along with me, as I struggled for breath. "oh" I gasped._

**(A/N: I know it seems weird to have the prognosis over the phone but Ive been in a situation at the hospital where a doctor told me a family member died and I couldn't bring myself to write that scene when shes just waiting for someone to tell her wtf going on... it would make it worse for me to write it at the hospital it would bring back really bad memories ... even writing a scene over the phone was hard for me so I hope you understand this and can try and use your imaginations ... I don't think its to hard to believe an over the phone prognosis... )**

_**Back to reality **_

All I remember after that was blindly racing to the hospital and finding him in this state and the horrible realization that this might be the end. After that I must have fallen asleep. I grazed his face with the back of my hand and all of a sudden felt woozy. I stood up and looked around frantically for something, and I found it on Jesse's bedside table. The bedpan was clean right up until the point were I throw up in it. I may be in a state of devastation but theres no stopping morning sickness.

**So whatcha think ?? REVEIW DONT JUST SIT THERE U LAZEY SO AND SO's **

**Love always Impulsive-Rose xx**


	3. Angels Speak To Me

**Hey guys ! sorry for the long wait, I know some people have been for the next chapter FOR AGES but i have been super busy ! I was away for the school holidays and the last two weeks I have been back at school and my damn teachers seem to think we MUST HAVE A MOUND of home work for some reason. I mean come on you'd think they'd give us a break ! BUT enough about me READ good PEOPLE READ and once you've done reading REVIEW DAMN IT !! :P**

**DISCLAIMER : I dont own any of the characters not even Jesse SORRY but I do own DR DENTON LOL poor guy he met the wrath that is Suze LOL um but i do own THIS storys Plot !! **

_(A/N I'm Australian so its mum all you Americans will just have to deal :P don't get me wrong I love you guys but from now on I'm spelling stuff the Aussie way for example u spell it color well I spell it colour and etc. **)**_

**Chapter 3: Angels speak to me **

_I was back, Desa vu. It was the same deserted hallway, the same dark bleak sky looming over me as the few stars burned as coldly as ever. The gatekeeper greeted me in the same fashion as before, holding a door open for me and stating tonelessly "His waiting for you". I still have no idea what he is on about but I stepped through the door obediently. The same flash of light blinded me but this time the aggravating beeping wasn't present. Every thing was as black as night or at least I thought it was. I stood there waiting for the surroundings to come into focus when I realized I had my eyes scrunched tightly shut. Slowly I opened them revealing a mist. GREAT. I think Russell Crow (the gatekeeper) OD on his meds this morning because I'm surrounded by fog. Wheres the mystery guy? This is great, maybe my subconscious is playing a practical joke on me. _

_What I didn't notice while I was absorbed in my annoyance was the fog was clearing. Well at least not until I heard something move. I looked around again, there was things moving around me. I spun around slowly. What ever it was it was closing in on me. I almost screamed for help but caught myself when I realized it was in fact people. Hundreds of them. They were so close I should have been able to make out who they were but there faces were a blur._

_In the distance came a soft, familiar, loving voice " Susannah...Susannah..."_

I jerked awake. Aw crap it was just a dream. "Susannah honey" but wait there was that voice. I looked up and jumped to my feet so suddenly that my chair crashed to the ground with a tiny "thud". I embraced my mumin a long comforting hug. I breathed in he sent, her warm motherly scent that I loved. The tears were flowing way before I could register that I was crying "Oh Susie" my mum crooned into my hair "It's going to be all right honey, he'll pull through, it's okay". And you know what I believed her with every fiber in my body, I had to believe it. It didn't matter that it had been a month since the accident, or that so far there hadn't been any change in Jesse's state. I knew he was going to be alright, he had to be. All the trials we've suffered can't have been for nothing. Could they?

I don't know if it was the fact that my mum was here or what but for the first time in a while I felt hope fill me. I let it take over my body. I don't know how to explain it but I knew that no matter what Jesse would always be by my side.

For a moment I had forgotten my mothers presence, that I was secure in her arms. I don't remember the last time I felt this safe. God I have the best mum in the world. I hope someday I can be as good as a mother to my baby. Our baby, Jesse and I would raise this child together.

**Later that night**

"No mum, you go home I'll be fine here... with Jesse" I gave her a small reassuring smile. She turned and left without complaint. OK it's not that I don't like my mothers company but I just wanted to be alone with Jesse.

His state hasn't changed at all. A whole month and nothing, which I'm told by the doctors isn't necessarily a bad thing because he may not be getting any better but hes not getting worse. Huh ! You should have seen the serving I gave to Dr Denton, the poor guy didn't know what hit him. What a pus head I mean seriously, I'd rather Jesse be alive and when then in this coma, Jesse should never be like this, it's not right. Hes a fit, attractive, strong, smart guy he should be alive and active. I hate this. It's torture to see him like this.

OH GREAT. The water works were back. I took Jesse's beautiful hand in mine and kissed it softly. "You have to get better Jesse, you have to, for me, for us, you have to get better to meet our baby" amazingly at these words the baby kicked, oh boy did it kick. I place Jesse's hand on my stomach. "You feel that Jesse? That's our baby, it wants to meet it's dad so badly" the tears where flowing more wildly then ever and I rested my head on Jesse's chest.

I don't know why but tonight must be the night for miracles because tonight an angel spoke to me

"Oh Susannah don't you cry for me..."

**--**

**HAHA did ya get it ?? I'm sure ya will ...**

**BTW take note of the dreams Suze has been having they are a VERY important piece of the PUZZLE mwahahaha**

**so I'm going to sit back, relax and wait for the reviews roll in **

**Write for ya later, love Always Impulsive-Rose xx**


	4. The Pounding Of My Reckless Heart

**Hey lovely people ! I'm really really sorry I haven't updated sooner ! really sorry I have school and assignments and when i had finally found the time to right i got THIS HUGE writers block ! but today I finally could bring myself to think of a good ( at least i think its alright) plot for this chapter Its a little LOVEY dovey but HAHHAHA u asked for it... well not really but PLEASE enjoy **

**I like this chapter so tell me what ya think! btw thanx to all my reviewers I LOVE U ALL keep review if you wanna find out what happens next! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters just the plot to this story IM NOT MEG sadly :P **

**_Chapter 4: The pounding of my reckless heart_ **

"_oh Susannah don't you cry for me"_

Oh lawdy.

I'm hearing things, I actually thought I heard Jesse's voice. I've worked myself into such a state, I haven't slept properly in ages and now I'm hearing voices. Deep silky voices, well OK, one voice that I would know anywhere. The same voice that's still ringing in my ears.

Hmm... odd I never thought my not so vivid imagination could create something so 'realistic'.

My mind was spinning when I noticed someone gently wiping away my tears with a touch that was so gentle and caring. I looked passed my tears and a lean, brown hand came into focus. My eyes moved slowly along the hand, up the forearm and passed the strong shoulders, along the hollow of the neck and halting to a stop at the lips. Lips that were moments ago dry, cracked and white as bone. The transformation was amazing, they were a luscious pink. So soft... so kissable... then they did the most extraordinary thing. Teasing at the corners, they stretched into a breathtaking smile.

The pounding of my reckless heart took over my entire body. The same hand that wiped away my tears, slowly traced my jawline. The feeling of the back of that hand that lingered on my quivering lips, sent a tingling sensation up and down my spine. The forefinger and thumb gently took possession of my chin and lifted up my face. My eyes moved from the lips passed the perfectly carved nose and with a jolt, I looked into the deepest, never ending pair of gorgeous brown eyes, for the first time in months. The eyes that knew me. The eyes that were so intense, I couldn't tare mine away. The eyes that made me fall hard and fast every time I gazed into them. These were the eyes of my soul mate.

Jesse.

'Jesse' I whispered, my voice hoarse from crying. I reached out cautiously as if I was afraid if I touched him he would disappear.

But when my finger tips reached his face they were met by the soft warmth of his smooth skin. Tentatively his other hand slid up my wrist and touched my hand – which was curved to the shape of his perfect face.

My eyes racked over his face hungrily, not wanting to let him go. There can't be one without the other. Theres no way in hell I'm letting him leave without me. Jesse tried to sit up but gave up on that idea with a groan.

There is literally no words for this moment right here right now. I'm never letting go.

**find out what happens NEXT **

**To be continued (if you review!!! ;P) .....**

**xxx Impulsive Rose **


	5. I Can't See My Feet

**HEY my lovey readers ! I know I haven't posted in AGES but you know those storms that hit Australia ??? I don't know if you heard about it over seas but I live in the area that got the worst hit so my house was flooded ! and we hand no power for days ! I had this chapter saved on my computer but I couldn't upload it :( **

**BUT we got power back this week and I had to catch up on some Home Work (BLAHHHHH) but I have finally found the time 2 nite to post so YAYAYAYAY**

**IMPORTANT INFORMATION MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Okay about this Chapter, I know it may seem at first that things are going to be resolved etc etc and the storys gonna be over soon BUT I know how I want to write it AND BELIEVE ME IT HASN'T REACHED IT CLIMAX YET OH NOOO THATS NOT FOR A WHILE so I'm soz if this chaps a little boring for some but I like it and I think it links in with whats going to happen HAHAHA you'll have to wait and see what happens !!!!!**

**Disclaimer: see previous chapters for this (I hate writing Disclaimers and I'm way to lazey)**

_**Chapter Five: I can't see my feet**_

I'm a planet. I can't see my feet. I'm eight months pregnant with four weeks to go. Well that's according to the doctor. Dr Denton. Yep the same guy I yelled. He has been really careful about what he says to me, saying everything super slowly and soothingly. I'm mean give me a bucket. It makes me want to yell at him some more, I mean hello does he know how to treat a person? Well at least Jesse thinks it's funny, he can't keep that irresistible smile of his face these days. It's been a month since he opened his eyes, his scorching chocolate brown eyes. I sighed. He does get a bit irritable sometimes about the fact that the doctors are keeping him in hospital for another week, just to keep an eye on him. Mostly though his radiant, about the baby, the fact that his alive and I'm sure his at least a little bit happy he has me. Well okay maybe more then a little.

His still fragile though. He can't move about as much and has to keep rested but apart from that I think he'll be okay.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

Doctor Denton, squeezed that jell stuff onto my beach ball of a stomach. It was cold but it didn't bother me so much, especially with Jesse at my side. The doctors let him come to my final ultrasound. He grinned down at me while he held my hand.

"Okay, now Suze... Jesse, you ready to take a look? Oh my god yes, what do you think were here for? Jesse caught me rolling my eyes and responded before I could say anything ... well unladylike.

"Yes, were ready".

He placed the Sonogram thing on by belly with a squishing sound.

"Can you here that?" A clear, quick, thumping beat came from the monitors " That's your baby's heart beat, and theirs it's head and it's feet".

"It's beautiful" Jesse whispered in my ear. I couldn't speak.

"Well everything seems to be in order..." Dr Denton made a move to switch off the machine but I interrupted "Wait" Jesse sent me a puzzled look " Would it be alright if... Jesse and I ... have some alone time with...the baby?"

"Ahhh... sure why not?" He stood up " I'll be outside if you need anything" and he left. I sat up on the bed and crossed my legs and Jesse perched himself behind me on the bed.

"Oh Querida" his hands lingered on my neck before he wound his arms around me (well as far as his arms called reach, I mean I am pretty huge) and I placed my hands on his. Avoiding the jell at all costs.

His soft lips pressed gently against my head and we silently watched our baby on screen.

Jesse rested his chin on my shoulder "hmm...you know we should start thinking of names"

"Yeah, we should.. whats your thoughts?"

"Well... I've always liked the name Susannah for a girl" he grinned down at me when I turned to look up at him.

" Really? Well... the name Jesse has always been a favorite of mine".

We ended that conversation for now with a row of steamy kisses and kicking from bub.

"Shes a real feisty one our _bebé_".

"What makes you think its a girl?"

"Any excuse to call her Susannah"

"Pff, _HE_ is a Jesse, I can tell"".

"Whatever Querida, you know I'm always right". The corners tugged into a teasing smile.

Rolling my eyes, I lent back into him and we stayed like this for ages. I felt an invisible protection around me.

Little did I know nothing would be the same again. In the next 24 hours my personal hell would begin.

**OKAY so like I tell you always ... I LOVE YOU and if you love me and this chapter Review, Give me advice, feed back, tell me watcha like and watcha don't like **

**Impulsive Rose xxx**


	6. Hanging on

**Hey dudes hows all my lovely ppl ??? I was getting a little discouraged when I only got three reviews for my last chapter (thanxx for reviewing) and I wasn't going to update but then I realized why should I be mad because I only got three updates, its not about how many reviews I get, its about making you guys who enjoy reading my story happy and making myself happy. I'm not saying I don't want you to review cause I love hearing feed back, I'm just saying I'm dedicating my story to u ppl. My fans. The reason I'm writing**

**OMG I can't believe how sappy I'm getting this is not like me ! LOL maybe I'm in a weird mood, hmm yer that could be why this chapters totally different and more mystic from the rest of the story. I guess I wanted to try something new. If you don't get it don't worry it will all become clear.**

**Disclaimer: see previous chapters ( I'm still really lazy)**

**Chapter 6: Hanging on**

How can life go from rising above the clouds to crashing, full force to the ground. Is life just a pattern of disaster and happiness repeated over and over on our unpredictable lives. One moment you could be so radiant that you could take off and raise about all your troubles and the next your eight feet below, in an impossible nightmare; I can't breath yet I won't die.

It came at me with full force. Their was no stopping it, not one chance in hell of preventing the inevitable. If theres one thing I didn't know before now, it's that you can't change fate even though I had believed it possible, even though I thought I had myself proven it. I was wrong. That day,so long ago, I thought I had altered Jesse's fate when in actual fact I had only fulfilled his destiny. It was all apart of the big plan. I was supposed to go back to Jesse's past, I was supposed to drag his unsuspecting soul from one era to the next. I knew this now because I am fulfilling my own fate. As much as it pains me, as much as I wish it weren't so, I am helpless.

I rounded that corner without fear or knowing what lied ahead. If I had the chance would I change anything? Would I interfere with the carts path ? Would it change anything?

I don't know.

Jesse, my dear sweet Jesse, he had one arm circled around my waist and we had secret, loving smiles on our faces. We were happy. Yet theres always something to bring you down and it's almost never when you expect it. I sure as hell wasn't and neither was Jesse.

The cart came form no where. I didn't have enough time to register the why or the reason. I stood there, frozen while I waited for the impact. It came and it hurt. Yet not from the direction I was expecting. You see, Jesse was faster then me, he didn't wait. He acted in the heat of the moment. Oh god, how I wish it was me that was hit.

Yet it was the only way to save one of the two most things I hold most dear to me. The impact of Jesse shoving me out of the way, jolted all of my bones, I hit my head on the lino floor and the last thing I saw was the light.

Not ' THE' light but the damn florescent hospital lights. Then my world was spinning. "SUSANNAH" was the last thing that I could here echoing around me. The only voice that could send my heart singing, was full of pain. Two kinds of pain. One of which was one I recognized as the tone he used when I was in danger, layered with a second that hurt me to hear. His pain.

This is the end.

That's the last thing I thought before I closed my eyes.

But as I said, things don't happen how or when you expect them. The end would have to be put on hold for a little while longer.

The real pain hadn't set in yet.

Jesse was still hanging on.

I was still hanging on.

Our baby was still hanging on.

Yet, somethings can't hold on forever. Sometimes we have to let go.

What I do remember is, love. Nothing, could stop me loving, not even death; when my heart stops beating, I won't be lost. Love won't be lost.

**Okay so I know this chapter like really cryptic and what ev but it will soon make sense I promise !!!!!!!!! **

**I LOVE YOU ALL xxx**

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING **

**CANT WAIT TO POST MY NEXT CHAPPIE, PLZ DON'T RUSH ME THOUGH, I WRITE WHEN KNOW I WANT TO OTHER WISE ILL END UP WRITING CRAPPY STORY LINES AND STUFFING EVERYTHING UP. SO PLZ DON'T BE ALL LIKE YOU HAVE TO UPDATE TOMORROW CAUSE AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU ALL I HAVE A REALLY BUSY LIFE AND I ONLY GET TIME AT NIGHT TO WRITE. **

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**


	7. Those Moments

**Heya Guys sorry for the wait... I know I know I always have excuses but in the end I never EVER forget to post cause this story is really important to me like you guys are to me :P **

**INFO on this chapter: um okay so I decided before we get to the tragic events that could AND I SAID COULD lead to the death of one/ more characters we love, I wanted to give you guys some happy memories for the couple of chapters and then we shall learn the fate of Jesse, Suze and Baby. **

**Disclaimer: refer to the previous chapters XD**

**Chapter Seven: Those Moments **

The memories that I hold most dear to me were the images that gushed like a running stream through my mind. There was the day I met Jesse, when I acted like a super bitch. The first time he called me Querida, when the caressed my face in hospital -after getting my but kicked by a few RLS angels- when I went back to his past, the moment he woke up, alive; reborn.

Then there was the day he proposed to me. _**(Flash back)**_

"_Jesse, where are you taking me?" my vision was obscured by a blindfold and I was being led carefully to... I had no idea._

"_It's a surprise, Querida". _

"_I hate surprises" I mumbled under my breath._

_Jesse just chuckled, "Okay, you ready?". We had come to an abrupt stop. _

"_Yes" I breathed. _

_I could feel Jesse's hands linger on my neck before slowly removing the blindfold. I took my time opening my eyes, so I could get the full effect of the surprise. I blinked once. Twice. Only to be completely blown away by the site that lay before me. The mission courtyard was as I had never seen it before. Fairy lights were twisted elegantly in the surrounding trees, hundreds of candles flickered in the light breeze and almost every inch of the Basilica was covered in white orchids. _

"_Oh!" I took a step forward, moving from under Jesse's hands. I took a moment to take in the beauty before slowly turning to face Jesse. But Jesse was no where to be seen " Jesse?" I called but got no response "Jesse?" Silence._

_I circled around but no Jesse. That's when I saw It. A small table half hidden by a tree had a note on it. _

_I walked over to it and picked up the square piece of paper. 'Querida' was written across the front in elegant script._

_I flipped it over and the other side read _

_' My love for you is never ending, yet it continues everyday to bloom like a flower but this kind of flower never dies'._

"_P.S. Follow the petals_

_xxx Jesse'_

_Follow the petals? Oh. The path that lead to the missions graveyard was completely covered in rose petals. Without needing to think about where I was going I followed it. This pathway was so familiar. At the end, when the petal path stopped, there laid something important to me. Jesse's gravestone read; _

_**Here lies Hector 'Jesse' De Silva, 1830-1850, beloved brother, son and friend.**_

_He stood behind it with his back to me. I made my way around the the grave and approached him "Jesse?". He turned upon hearing my voice a wide smile etched upon his glorious face. He took my hands in his._

"_Susannah, Querida," and all of a sudden he was kneeling before me. Oh lawdy. I knew what was going to happen next but that didn't stop me from answering his call "Yes?" I breathed._

"_My life, before I met you was incomplete, in my past life I thought I was happy but it took me meeting you to realize I was never whole and then for the 150 year I was a ghost I didn't understand that I was waiting for love, I was hanging around for you. You saved me"._

_I was trembling from head to toe now._

" _I know that we will be together forever no matter what but I wanted to do this right". Thats when he turned the full effect of his eyes on me and I memorized. "Susannah Simon, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"._

_I wasn't nervous, I knew the answer... I had always known it. "There isn't anyone I would rather marry". He stood up looking relieved, and embraced me. After moment or two we parted. "I want to be with you forever" I whispered in his ear. He took something out of his pocket and slipped it on my finger. _

_**(End of Flashback)**_

And following that came the wedding ....

**Okay so what did you think of my version of the proposal ????????? Next chapter will be the wedding and I think the one after will be when they find out Suze is pregnant... I don't think I'm game enough to try writing the wedding night but we'll see ....**

**OK so I would really love some feed back on this chapter so I can get an idea on how I'm going to write the next few flashbacks **

**xxxx Love ya always Impulsive-Rose xxxx**


	8. A Wedding To Remember

**Hey guys Happy New Years 2009 WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! lol **

**SO this is my version off the wedding day... I hope you like it... this is kinda how I imagened it to go with my story... I know we all have our own ideas ...and this is mine so I understand if its not what you expected But I hope you enjoy it ! After this chapter ONCE I get some reviews I will write the next chapter and you will find out the fate of Suze, Jesse and The Baby **

**Disclaimer: I dont own the Mediator or the characters JUST this story plot **

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Chapter 8: A Wedding To Remember **

"Suzie, honey are you ready?" Okay so the big day has finally arrived. I find myself the most beautiful dress I could ever imagine, about to marry my one true love. What could go wrong? You know as soon as I ask myself that... some epic disaster happens. This time it came in the form of Paul-wrecking-Slater. It was predictable of Paul to stir things up.

"Yes mum, could you give me a minute?"

"Sure sweetie... I'll be right out side". As my mother closed the door behind her, I turned to the mirror and almost jumped a mile in the air -which wouldn't have been easy in this dress.

I hadn't heard him enter but there he stood looking handsome in his black tux, it was to bad Kelly wasn't here. His penetrating blue stare eyed me in my white lace dress.

"Wow Suze, you clean up good" I rolled my eyes, typical Paul.

"What do you want Paul?" I demanded as I glared at him suspiciously "I didn't invite you". Yeah for a good reason, who knew what would happen if Paul was invited. Well I guess I would have to find out now.

"Aw Suzie, do you think I would miss your big day?" good thing he was a lawyer, those baby blue eyes could feign innocence without any effort. To bad for him I could see through his charade. I glared back at him.

"Paul, why are you here?" I tried to make my voice as fierce as possible.

He started to come closer to me, I backed up until I was right against the wall "Suze, Suze, Suze" his voice was an intense whisper. I could feel his breath on my face.

"What kind of man would I be if I gave up without a fight?" as soon as he said this he made a move to lower his lips on mine. To bad for him, I had seen this coming. With all my might I quickly shoved him away from me. I could tell he wasn't expecting my reaction by the surprised expression on his face.

"God Paul, whats your problem?"

"Come on Suze, don't be like that".

That made me laugh "How am I supposed to be? Huh? Am I supposed to forget about Jesse and my life and run away with you? Should I be happy you tried to crack on to me on my wedding day?"

I hadn't realized I was shouting until the door burst open. The tension in the room had increased dramatically as Jesse scowled at Paul.

"Slater what are you doing here?" he voice was harsher then I had ever heard it before "Did you hurt Susannah?"

As much as I was annoyed with Paul I didn't want a brawl on my wedding day. "I'm fine Jesse" and touched his arm reassuringly. Under my touch he relaxed.

"Well, Slater?"

I gave Paul a pleading look behind Jesse's back not to tell him the real reason he was here. "I just wanted to wish Suze good luck". Jesse raised his eyebrows way up and folded his arms across his chest. "Is this true Susannah?" he turned the full force of his eyes on mine. I was so breathless I had to take a moment before responding "Yes".

"Okay well now thats sorted I'm outta here" and with that Paul was gone. All I could do was stare at the door after him in disbelief he was gone so easily. When I had finally regained my senses I turned my attention to Jesse. He was staring at me with an gaze that was smoldering with love.

"Wow, you look so beautiful" Jesse smile was as brilliant as the moon. How could I think Paul was handsome compared to Jesse? His black tux was in perfect contrast with his olive skin and his dark hair curled perfectly at the nape of his neck.

"Its bad luck to see the bride before the wedding". Jesse just grinned and kissed me.

***

The rest of the wedding went off without a hitch. Jesse slipped out the back, no one would have know he was here. My mother poked her head around the door. "It's time". I gathered up my bouquet of orchards and wound my arm in my mothers. She was giving me away. It wouldn't be right if Andy did. The music started and a involuntary smile spread across my face. This was it. CeeCee and Gina -who had flown all the way from Brooklyn- made stunning bridesmaids in dresses of a deep blue. I watched them march forwards and after giving my mum a hug we followed. The tempo of the music was slow and I hardly noticed any of the guests. My eyes were fixed on one thing and one thing only.

I wanted to remember the look on Jesse's face forever, it was even more beautiful then I could ever imagine. The man of my dreams. Finally we reached the end of the isle. I couldn't take my eyes of Jesse. He took my hand in his and kissed me on the check, whispering in my ear " I love you, Querida".

The ceremony was quick and simple. We had asked father Dominic to preform it. Anyone else just wouldn't be right.

" Do you Hector Jesse de Silva, take Susannah to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to hold in sickness and in health until death do you part?" I saw Jesse's mouth twitch as Father Dominic said the last part.

"I do" He said it with satisfaction and love. The whole Paul incident was forgotten as he said those two words.

" And do you Susannah Simon, take Jesse to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to hold in sickness and in health until death do you part?

There wasn't a doubt in my mind "I do". Jesse's smile grew more pronounced.

"Then it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you man and wife, Jesse you may kiss the bride". Jesse needed no further encouragement as he captured my lips in his. When we finally broke apart Jesse whispered in my ear "how do you feel Mrs de Silva?"

Mrs de Silva... It was perfect.

**YAY so I'm done IT took me an hour and a half to write this ... I only JUST FINISHED now and my hands are very sore BUT you guys are worth it so ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY next Chapter we find out peoples fate ..... I'll give you a clue Jesse is going to be alright but at the same time Jesse isn't going to be alright MWAHAHAHA see if you can figure that out ....**

**Love always **

**Impulsive-Rose xxxxxxxxx**


	9. Pitch Black

**Hey It's me!!!! and you know what that means ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P**

**yo so you know how I said we would find out peoples fate in this chapter ???? Well I Kinda decided to save that for the next one but you kinda get to know a bit but I don't think you'll really understand !!! **

**IMPORTANT MUST KNOW INFO : Some things arn't as they appear, you may think that some one has died but you might be wrong cause you only find out if someone dies next chapter so there is a chance that they are still all alive you'll just have to wait but then again you might be right and they could be dead BUT I AM NOT GIVING ANYTHING AWAY !!!!!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: OKAY SO YOU ALL KNOW THE DRILL !!!!!!!! I don't own the characters just this story BUT IF I HAD IT MY WAY I WOULD BE THE ONE HAVING JESSE'S BABYS **

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Nine: Pitch Black

_I was completely surrounded by fog. Which could mean only one thing. I could hear footsteps coming closer and this time when the fog cleared I could actually make out the faces before me._

_"Oh my god..." I trailed of. I was speechless. I knew all of these people, even thought t__here was a daunting number of them. I don't know how it was possible to remember every single one of them. Maybe it was because of all the trails they had put me through, even the barley significant ones. Wow, it was amazing how many ghost I had met over the years; met putting it l__ightly. The majority of them coming complete with a few painful blows, which were mainly directed at me. As I slowly turned on the spot I recognized Heather, Cynthia, Timothy, Craig Jankow__, Mrs. Gutierrez, __The RLS angels; Felicia Bruce, Carrie Whitman, Mark Pulsford and Josh Saunders among them. _

_"Suze" I turned upon hearing my name "Suze" someone called. It was a voice I recognized so well. Tears welled up in my eyes as he broke away from the crowed. I hadn't seen him since my last school dance. "Dad" he embraced me in a hug and I broke down in tears in his arms. I never thought I would ever see my dad again. _

"_Ssh, its okay sweetie" he whispered into my hair._

_I lifted my tear stained face to look at him properly "What am I doing here dad? No one will tell me"._

_He hugged me closer " I wish I could tell you that, I really do but the time isn't now"._

"_What do you mean the times isn't now? When is the right time?". My dad just smiled sadly back at me. He loosened his grip on me and stepped back._

"_I'll see you again soon, I love you Susie" and with that he disappeared. I tried to clutch onto him but my fingers met nothing but air. Soon all the others followed his lead, until I was standing by myself in pitch black. _

_I let it consume me. What else could I do ? I could feel everything slipping away, through my fingers, just like my dad had. Then when I was about to give up, my body gave a tremendous jerk and I felt like it was being ripped apart by an unbearable pain. I was aching with it, the pain was doubled in my head. I doubled over onto the ground. I couldn't think straight. The only think that could reach my through my pain was the one voice I could only dream of hearing._

"_Susannah" Jesse called to me, his voice echoed in my head._

"_Jesse, help me" I whimpered._

"_Susannah" his voice rung out , this time I could not only hear him but as if answering my prayer he was there before me. Yet at the same time he wasn't. Jesse wasn't like his normal self. He looked pale.... no pale wasn't the right word, it was almost as if he was transparent. Not quite a ghost, more like an echo._

_I cried out in pain as another rip of pain roared thorough my insides. Wait. My baby. I have to protect my baby. "Jesse" I panted, hardly able to get the word out "The-the-the ba-by ... we have to-to help-"_

_The darkness was back, it smothered me. My eyes lost focus and Jesse was just a blur. "Jes- Jes" I couldn't make out his name but I could see his blurred figure approach me, I could feel almost feel his fingers linger on my face. _

_His mouth tingled at my ear as he whispered " I love you, your strong enough to save our baby, I believe in you". _

"_I lo-ov-ve you" _

"_Ssh, save your strength Querida, I will always be with you," but as he said the words his blurred figure was getting lost in the darkness._

_NO! I was screaming on the inside. Jesse, JESSE. Come back. I need you! Don't go._

"_I will always be with you" the words were a whisper in this dark abyss. I could feel myself fading, I didn't want to fight anymore. Jesse was wrong, I didn't have the strength for this. _

"_Oh Susannah don't you cry for me I come from Alabama with this banjo on my knee"._

_That did it. Those simple words, I could hear echo around me gave me what I needed to go on, to fight for not only myself but my sweet, innocent child. _

_I could feel my world starting to spin, I could feel the floor drop from under me. I was in extreme disarray but then it all stopped._

**(Back in the real world) **

I felt like I was on a feather light cloud. Except for the fact that the pain was still present but a duller version. Nosies flooded into my mind. Everyday noises, a car door slamming, a couple arguing, a beeping monitor, someone bustling around the room, low intense whispers. My eyes flashed opened. I was in a hospital bed. GREAT.

I could feel something irritating my right hand and I looked to see a drip sticking out of it. OH EVEN BETTER. Wait a minute, there was something wrong here. I couldn't put my finger on it right away. I looked back down at my hands. OH MY GOD. My hands were resting on my very flat, non-bulging stomach. It was empty, nothing, no baby. I lifted up my hospital gown to reveal a huge scar that ran all the way across my oh-so-flat tummy. Where is my baby???

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**DUN DUN DUN!!!!! okay next chapter we find out what happened to the baby and where Jesse is !!!!!!!**

**xxxxxxxxxxx LOVE YOU ALL PLZ PLZ REVIEW **


	10. Somebody help me Please!

**OK so before you read There is one person I would really like to thank for this chapter. I haven't written a new chapter for months I really didn't feel like it ! i was discouraged from writing UNTIL today when I opened up my emails I found LIKe a hundered reviews from one person WEll actually 12 reviews and they were all so FUNNY i was having a shitty day and they made me feel so good i just had to write another chappie!!!!  
SOOO thanks to Yasmin YES YOU YASMIN !!!! My No# 1 fan lol btw thanks for calling me a fish !!! lol I dont eat fish so it means I wouldn't eat me so thats a good thing!!!**

**THIS Chapters 4 u Yasmin **

_Chapter 10 : Somebody help me ... Please?!?!_

I started to panic. I could hear my heart race speeding up on the monitor beside my bed. "HEL- P AN-N-YON--E!?!?!" I screeched.

"SO-MM-EBODY HH-EL-P M-ME".

I could feel the blood rushing to my head.

My thoughts were incoherent and I had troubles stringing together my words and actions.

I yelled with all my might but it didn't seem to be enough, nobody came running in.

There was nobody to help me.

The scar across my stomach was fresh and tender around the edges.

I was stuck in a whirlwind of emotions, I felt like I was going to explode.

The room started to spin as I slipped from my bed and tried to walk.

I could only manage a few steps before clasping on the floor.

For a moment I just lay there. The floor was cold and hard. It felt nice under my cheek. My body started to relax, my thoughts slowed down. I let my body shut down.

****

I dunno how long I stayed like that, It seemed like an eternity but for all I know it could have been seconds.

I wanted to go back to the dark place and that scared me.

"Susie?!?!" I lifted my head up.

She was an angel in my eyes.

The one person who would always be there when I needed someone.

I tried to speak, to make some sense of this but my words gushed out and sounded like mush.

"Oh Susie" she exclaimed and slumped down to join me on the floor.

She helped me sit up and pulled me into a warm embrace.

I leaned my head on her soft neck.

I said the only thing that made sense in the moment "Mum".

****

After an extremely long time I lifted my head up.

My mothers face was stressed, her hair was pulled back into a messy bun.

She wore no makeup and she looked like she could go for a few rounds with a bed and if I wasn't mistaken tears wear welling up in her soft blue eyes.

I finally found what I wanted to say, of all the things that I wanted to know, this seemed the most important.

"Mum, what happened?".

She sighed and closed her eyes, I didn't think she was going to say anything but after a pause she opened her eyes, she looked even more worn.

" Do you remember what happened before you blacked out sweetie?"

This time I closed my eyes. A flash of mental images popped up in my head.

An out of control cart.

Jesse's Face panicked.

Jesse's face determined.

The floor.

The light.

Jesse falling.

Darkness.

"Yes" I whispered through tight lips.

"A nurse found you" she swallowed loudly " You had hit your head and were bleeding heavily, you lost so much blood."

Tears were pouring down both our faces "You wouldn't wake up, so they rushed you to surgery to get the baby out-"

The baby, My baby.

Where was it? Was it alright? My mum was talking but I stopped listening.

The baby. The baby. The baby. Thebabythebabythebaby. Was all I could think.

I finally put my thoughts into words "The baby?".

My stomach was in knots, I didn't want to look into my mothers face. In case... in case. I shuddered I couldn't think like that.

"The _baby's_ fine". Oh my god. For the first time I felt the slightest bit better. I looked back up into my mothers face.

For some reason it was troubled.

I had missed something.

There was something about the way she said the baby's fine.

I waited for the pieces to click together.

I frowned "Mum?" I asked tentatively but she wouldn't met my gaze.

The baby's fine.

It's alright.

But.

Jesse.

As soon as I thought his name I knew something wasn't right.

"Jesse," my mum swallowed again. Hard. "Mum, where is Jesse?".

She stared at the floor.

**LOL THERES ANOTHER CLIFFY FOR YA!!!!!!! hopefully I'll write again soon i dont know if i can this week cause of school maybe if they lay of the homework i'll be able to update sooner !!! my teachers are noodle dishes !!!!!!!!!!!!! k so ill write ASAP **

**LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE XXXXXXXXXXXXXX NICOLE !!! XD**


	11. Choose Life or Death

**HEY. I know it's been a while but instead of giving you excuses you should know I had my reasons for not updating sooner and I'm sorry. Enjoy this chapter I know it's not long but it's just what I needed to get back into the swing of things.**

_**Chapter 11: Choose Life or Death**_

I stared down at him. He was so beautiful. He was so much more then I could hope for and he belonged to me. He kicked his way out of his blankets and his tiny fingers made fists. Big innocent, emerald eyes peered back at me as I watched him dazed. Slowly and carefully I picked the tiny bundle and cradled it to my chest. I stroked his fine black hair tenderly and sat down on a near by chair. I couldn't hold it any longer, I started to shudder and heave, my breathing ragged. The tears flowed rapidly down my face. My only comfort was the warm bundle wrapped in my arms. I couldn't move, I could only weep.

After a while the tears subdued, I stared blankly ahead, not thinking. I could only hear the 'Ticktock' of the clock on the faded white walls. Ticktock...ticktock...ticktock...

When I finally broke my trance I looked down and he was fast asleep in my arms. I was about to get up when a nurse entered the room. I almost sprang up.

"Is he alright? How did the surgery go?".

She was a homely looking women, with a very kind face, which even when troubled looked comforting.

"Let me take him from you dear". Reluctantly I handed him over.

"So how did it go?" I asked impatiently.

Her forehead crinkled into a frown and her mouth turned down "I'm afraid I have some bad news..."

x-x-x-x-x

There he lay. Olive skin pale, bruises under his eyes, still lifeless. Only months ago I was looking at the same image. Only this time there was at least four monitors in the room, tubes seemed to stick out from him everywhere and worst of all... he was..he was... he was hooked up to.. to a... a ... a life support... machine.

"Jesse" I whispered "you promised, you said you'd always be there for me. So where are you now?"

I stroked his soft cheek " I need you now more then ever."

I heard the door creak behind me and I spun around. My mother poked her head through the door, she held her grandson in her arms.

"The doctors told me everything, oh Susie honey I'm so sorry". I nodded, I couldn't speak. Gently I took the baby from her and seeming to understand how I felt she left without another word.

I turned back to Jesse and lent as close as him as I could. "Wake up Jesse, there's someone you have to meet, someone who you will love, someone whose apart of you. Wake up..."

No matter how much I pleaded he didn't stir and his eyelids remained closed. The only sign of life he showed was the small constant beat of his heart on a small monitor.

The world seemed to be against us. The kind nurse had told me the worst news I would ever hear in my life. I was going to have to make the biggest choice of my life. Which would not only effect me in every way possible but it would effect the future of our baby.

The nurse told me I would have to decide whether or not to turn Jesse's life support off. I had to choose life or death. Whether a piece of me would die or not. Whether Jesse would ever meet his father.

Life or Death... how can I choose?

**Dun Dun DUNNNN I know I know I'm an EVIL LITTLE CLIFF HANGER but it's just the way I roll :P did ya catch the bit in the second last sentence did ya??? That's another piece of the puzzle ... and its why i used he and his at the start SOOO MUCH cause I wanted to surprise you with it so YEAHHH**

**if you read one of the hints I gave you in a previous chapter it should kinda give you another clue to how this story may end **

**But thats enough hints for now ... I can't promise you when the next chapter will be up so until next time **

**I'm Impulsive-Rose (NICOLE :P) and this has been another instalment of Never Letting go... XOXO **

**Btw it's my birthday 11/07 IN TWO DAYS TIME ON SATURDAY WHOOOOOO **


End file.
